If your child dies

tyazhelaya-utrataIn spite of the fact that the neonatology moved far ahead, children still die. If the prematurely born child dies, it occurs more often during the first week of life. The research conducted in Colorado, the USA showed that if the child weighing 750 g or less dies, then in 80% of cases it occurs in the first 24 hours and in more than 90% of cases – within the first week of life. However many children until death live many months.

Many parents initially are afraid that their child will die, and try not to become attached to him until it becomes clear that he will survive. Life consists of moments. None of parents know how long they will be with their child. Therefore the best council: give yourself to motherhood or paternity completely, regardless of time you child will live! Stroke the child, embrace, and be near. Parents and children need in each other!

Postmortem examination of the body and burial

If parents don’t object, the postmortem examination of the body is done. It can be important for establishment of a cause of death. For parents it is also important to find out, what happened to the child. It is known that parents and other family members transfer a grief much easier if the postmortem examination of the body is done and the official burial when there is a grave where it is possible to return is done.

Way of pain — overcoming a grief

In spite of the fact that the child can live several hours or days, to lose it is very hard. Parents get used to it during pregnancy. Perhaps, they expected this baby many years. In that case, the grief can proceed for a long time. The best way to overcome a grief — to penetrate into it, to accept pain from the loss of the child. It is important to have someone nearby to whom it is possible to talk about. It is very good if parents are able to speak about it openly and if there is a family and friends, with whom parents can share. However often it is found out that people around lose interest in what occurred after a while. People, who never lost a child, do not understand that years are needed to overcome the most difficult period. Memories remain with the person for the rest of life. Very bitterly happens if one of parents begins to lose interest in a talk about the loss when the other still needs to share… In such situation, it is important to remember that the grief at all is shown variously. In a critical minute, it is necessary to attract children or someone from close family members. Children have the right to know, what happened to their little brother or the sister. It is much worse if they do not know.

Sometimes it is helpful to talk to personnel, which treated the child. It is useful to participate in groups of the parents who lost children. In such groups, parents meet those who also lost the child and knows what it is. Those who did not test it will not be able to understand up to the end what at such moment parents feel. It is necessary to move further and to leave a grief behind.

This information is based on materials from www.efcni.org. Special thanks to EFCNI for their support and advice 

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